purpose

Summer Updates

Ok, so it has been a loooooong time since I’ve updated. So sorry!! I have been a bit overwhelmed recently with finding the energy to 1) go to sleep at 9 pm and then wake up at 4 am for work, 2) work for 6-8 hours a day on my feet, and 3) expend so much energy while working.

However, summer is almost over and I will soon be going back to my primary job of music teaching. Yay!!! Just a few more weeks until I will have much more time available again.

In other news, I came, like, *THIS* close to finishing my writing project, when I ran into a major issue that caused me to stop until I am able figure out the solution. Basically, I realized that there was a major overlap between two of my businesses that I needed to address properly so that I would be authentic. After thinking about that problem in more detail, I realized that I would need to spend some time figuring out which of the two audiences and which of the two business structures would be more appropriate for my online writing courses. I had considered designing the course so that it could be used by both audiences and both business structures, but I’m not comfortable with using two completely contrasting business styles for the same product. That would be both inauthentic and a conflict of values.

So, to my beta-group who has been waiting for me to finish – I’m so sorry for the delay! It’s coming, I promise, but I just need some more time to figure this out first.

For my music, I have an orchestra audition coming up in a few weeks that I’ve been preparing for, so hopefully that goes well and I can join a new group ūüėÄ

Mainly, I have been focusing on my third business and getting back into the swing of things since I’ve rejoined. I’m still not where I want to be with it quite yet, but I’m getting there and making more progress every day. I’m very happy with my decision to return to the group and to my mentors and I couldn’t be more grateful for all the happiness, positivity, focus, and fulfillment that they bring to me and to my life ‚̧

In the (very little) spare time that I’ve had this summer, I’ve tried to get out and enjoy nature the best that I can. I made it to both Walden Pond and to the ocean, but both times it was kind of too cold to go all the way in the water. Oh well – still very relaxing!

I actually just came back from Westford, where I went walking on the bike path for an hour and a half this afternoon. So nice!!! I remember when I grew up there, I would walk on that bike path for a good 2 hours each day. I could literally do it every day for the rest of my life and be the happiest person ever.

…so maybe I will! **foreshadowing**

Advertisements

Unraveling

Wowwwwwwwww guys, do I have an update for you!!! I am literally so stunned and excited right now, I almost can’t find the right words to type. There have been so many changes in so short of a time frame, I almost can’t keep up with all of them!

~*~ ~*~ Drumroll please ~*~ ~*~

I have decided to re-join my old business and mentorship association!!! I am literally so excited.

You may be wondering how on earth this occurred. This past March (only ~4 months ago), I left the program and I swore I would never go back. I was so sure of myself and it was definitely the right decision at the time.

Since I quit, I went a completely different direction in terms of my businesses and looked for different ways of building wealth and personal accomplishment that would suit me better. I took online courses in content marketing and holistic healing, as well as joined new groups, and met a lot of wonderful new people with mutual goals and interests.

Furthermore, I spent a great deal of time unraveling all the confusion I had about my old business, new business, and current business. I sat down and really thought through what I wanted to accomplish, what I wanted my life to be like, and how I wanted to spend my time in my future. I started writing my first online course and was very excited about it!

Not only did I unravel the confusion about my businesses, or so I thought, but I also unraveled the confusion about me, what I believed in, and what I wanted my current lifestyle to be. I tried to remember who I was before I had changed myself so drastically and then tried to go back to being that person (“you used to come here and eat toast.” – Sophie Kinsella).

I tried to remember what I had thought was fun, so I remembered a few things that I used to do and did those. I went back to watching some TV shows (Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists), some movies (all of my romantic comedies), and trashy romance novels (some unread on the shelf, some favorites). I started listening to songs on the radio and on Youtube. I even added a “fun” budget so that I could go out for dinner if I wanted to, or see friends if I wanted to, or go out and see a show if I wanted to. I gave myself permission to travel, get hot stone massages, go out for drinks, and cheat on my vegan/gluten free diet to satisfy my sweet tooth.

At first, I enjoyed it, but almost as soon as it started, my enjoyment quickly began to dissipate. I found that I wasn’t being replenished or recharged in my energy from doing any of those things, and that I didn’t particularly enjoy them anymore. Yet, at the same time, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do instead. So I would just do them, not really having fun, but not knowing what else was fun either.

In the midst of all this unraveling, and learning to be my old self again, I was also doing quite a bit of deep healing. This past December, I learned that I was sexually abused as a 4-year old. I had repressed the memory of it, but at that point I had started to remember it and recover the memory.

This was by far the most terrifying experience of my entire life. Imagine that you’re just going about your day, when suddenly your mind intrudes and attacks you with images of a repressed memory of that nature.

It became all I could think about and focus on. My relationships suffered. My relationship with my mentor, in particular, took the hit. He was the only one who wanted to be there for me during that time.

To be fair, I hardly told anyone about it until after I had forgiven my abuser. But now I look back on that time and I wished that more people would have been supportive. Once I told people, most people just suggested I go to therapy, which made me wonder why I had told anyone at all. Once again, I had just wanted people to provide me with emotional support and be there for me in my tough time, but again I wasn’t really given that by very many people. Again, it was very disappointing. I mean, if there’s ever a time when anyone would be in need, it would be that time, but only a few people reached out and were supportive (for which I’m thankful).

I have been healing from that, as well as from the lack of support from my network. During that healing time, all I could think about was my mentor and how he had always been there for me and how he had believed in me when nobody else did and had not wanted to give up on me. I thought of several instances in the past when he had been a real hard-times friend, in addition to this time.

So I reached out to him and we have been sorting out (unraveling) our issues. It was really rocky at times, but it’s mostly back on track now. We have made a huge amount of progress recently and I have faith that it’s only going to get better.

Meanwhile, I discovered that I had even more repressed memories from my early childhood. Not of sexual abuse, but of other unpleasant things that I had repressed. My new friend performed RTT hypnotherapy on me twice, which was very interesting and eye-opening. Because the two sessions turned out to be related, and fell under the umbrella of another early memory, I decided to combine the 21-day cycle for both of those sessions with a 21-day cycle of my own holistic healing method.

At first, it was a lot to handle to do 3 focused deep-healing recordings a day, but now I think it was just what I needed. I didn’t see many results at first, but now the results are just incredible to me. I mean, I am literally stunned. Read on!

First, in my business unraveling, I realized that my old business had been a key factor in how I had healed. I started to use good products on myself, put good products into my body, and had started to feel better about myself because I had looked and felt better. I had learned about pro-suming and financial ownership. I had a positive and motivational environment of people who said things like “I’m accountable for my own life and I can control my thoughts.” And I had my mentor who believed in me and loved me, poured life into me, and filled me up with hope. I began to miss this business and wish I could go back.

Second, in my personal healing, there was a weekend where I read an old issue of Cosmopolitan magazine from July 2016 and decided that there was nothing of value in it (this magazine used to literally be my beacon of wisdom!!!). Then I went on a weekend trip and discovered that I didn’t like traveling anymore because I just wanted to be home in Boston. Then I watched my all-time favorite movie, Titanic, and had to stop it halfway through because I just didn’t like it anymore and I didn’t agree with the way life was being presented in it.

So while I did “used to go there to eat toast,” I didn’t want to go there to eat toast anymore. I realized that I just couldn’t be the person that I used to be. In unraveling all of my confusion, I rediscovered the person that I used to be, but then I realized that I just wanted better than that. I wanted mentorship and I wanted more intentional relationships where people would be united with me for common business goals and who would also listen to me talk and be there for me in hard times.

Ironically, around this time I learned that submission is actually necessary for the type of close relationships that I want. In my deep healing, I was also working on overcoming that issue from where it stemmed in my childhood repressed memories.

Not only that, but I realized that I had been taking the easy way out instead of learning the relationship skills that I needed in order to have the kind of deep relationships that I want.

This was when I took my first step to get back into the organization (only about 1 week ago). I had a craving to be on the communication system and message distribution list. I also had a craving to learn submission and submit to my mentor.

Next, I found that I had no desire to cheat on my diet anymore. I had been cheating to eat cookies, brownies, cake, chocolate, etc. for some time, but I just didn’t want to do it anymore. I wanted to make sure I prioritized meal prep and ate healthily within the constrains of my diet.

Now, I have no desire to even have cheat meals or vary from my diet plan prescribed by the nutritionist. I realized that when I don’t start the day with enough protein, it sets off a chain reaction spiral, and then the whole diet is compromised. Also, that my lack of meal prepping made it easy for me to cheat and give into sugar cravings.

Now when I have sugar cravings, I crave the dried fruit at Trader Joe’s. So good! I don’t even want chocolate anymore.

Instead of craving unhealthy sweets and chocolate, I started craving to return to my organization and be around the people. I also had a craving for the positivity and motivational environment. Earlier today, I was overcome with a strong craving and desire to listen to audios, go to a board plan, and do meetings. I even was compelled to take extra vitamins. It’s so crazy!!! I have literally never felt this way about it before. This is the energy that I was missing.

So I don’t have everything sorted out yet. I feel pretty comfortable with how I’ve overcome most of my objections to the business, and I feel pretty solid with how my music relates to it. The next step is to figure out (unravel) the plan for how my writing goals fit in with this business. And while I’m stronger in who I am as a person now than I was, I need a game plan to make sure that I don’t lose myself again.

All that unraveling was so exhausting! But worth it.

For three years I had been in the business, learned all the new info, and reprogrammed my mind. However, it was apparent that my limiting beliefs were getting in the way of me accepting the new me and my new lifestyle. Hence, all the pushback that I gave myself over not wanting to make changes, not wanting to listen, not wanting to do this, not wanting to do that. All I needed was to do some deep thinking, unraveling, and holistic healing, and I realized that I did actually want all of it after all.

 

Withhold

Hi everyone,

I have a withhold that I need to address. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, a withhold is something that you need to give voice to that happened in the past, which you did not properly address at the time. It is a withhold because it has been affecting you and your life, and you eventually found out that you needed to speak up about it for your own sanity and well-being.

As a disclaimer, my goal here is not to rehash the past, or to blame anyone, but rather to share my feelings authentically and vulnerably about what occurred, with the hope that with this understanding of how it affected me and my feelings, then it would not be repeated again in the future.

The scene is May 2015, and I have just graduated with my master’s degree in geology (geothermal energy) from University of North Dakota. I have packed up all my belongings and I am now driving across the country from North Dakota to Nevada.

As I’m sitting in my car, I’m ruminating about how unsupported I feel from my entire network. I feel completely isolated and alone, not to mention completely unsupported.

For those of you unfamiliar with my story, I had not wanted to get my master’s degree in science; rather, I had wanted to get my master’s degree in music performance. However, after my junior recital at Penn State, my viola teacher had lost confidence in me and my playing. He asked me what I wanted to do after PSU, and I had said that I had wanted to go on and get my master’s degree in music performance and then go on to play music in pit orchestras on Broadway. This was my dream, I had told him, and I was very excited about it.

My teacher promptly told me to give up on my dream, because it sucked. He said that many people embarked on that kind of career with high hopes, but then quickly got tired of the long hours and low pay, and then could not afford to take time off to look for a different job. He didn’t want to see me “backed into a corner with my career,” so he told me to give up on music and become a geologist instead.

Ironically, with this very interaction, I already felt “backed into a corner with my career.” Without the support of my instructor, I didn’t feel either willing or able to pursue my career in music. So even though I was crushed, demoralized, and devastated, I followed his advice, moved to North Dakota, and got my master’s degree in geology.

Even though I liked geology and I liked my professors and colleagues at UND, I knew that this was not the right decision for me and that this was not what I wanted to do with my life. After the excitement of being in a new place with a new plan wore off, I began to really loathe my time in North Dakota. I didn’t feel like I belonged there in terms of the culture and values, and I didn’t feel authentic because I wasn’t following my heart and being creative.

After the incident at PSU, I all but gave up playing my instruments. I played viola in the Greater Grand Forks Symphony Orchestra, but this was only because my dad had encouraged me to join. In general, I felt very turned off to playing music and instruments and I didn’t want to do it anymore. Writing became my primary creative outlet, and my first summer in ND I wrote my first novel in its entirety.

After writing my novel, I often fantasized about quitting my degree program, moving home to Boston, working at Starbucks, and becoming a writer. However, whenever I shared these dreams and desires with others, I was always brutally rebuffed and unsupported. Without naming names, there were people that I called, so upset that I was crying, and I told them how much I hated my life, how much I hated the direction my life was taking, and how much I wanted to go home, start fresh, and be creative again. I even posted about my goals on Facebook, but people on there were very unsupportive of me and my plan. They told me I had to stay there in ND– even though I was completely miserable– finish my degree program, and “get my piece of paper.”

However, I knew that this would never be the end of it, and I was right. Because I felt again like I was backed into a corner and that I had to take everyone’s advice, I did stay in ND, I did finish my degree program, and I did get my piece of paper. But afterward, all I heard from those same people was that now I had to stay in ND and get a “high-paying geology job” and “use my degree” so that I could be responsible, take care of myself, and pay my bills.

I get it, I really do. As I now know from my adult experience as well as my research on the subject, the scarcity mindset is primarily developed from lack of financial abundance and resources. These people who were giving me this advice had learned themselves that they could not be creative, that they could not have fun, and that they had to be boring and logical to get a steady, high-paying job to pay their bills and be responsible adults. Similar to my viola teacher from PSU, these people had thought they were giving me kindly advice and words of wisdom to help me live a better life, but in fact, they were just telling me their own story of misfortune, not mine.

Going back to the people who did not support my decision to quit my degree program in ND, I understand that too. I understand that these people thought they were being loving, supportive, and helpful, by pushing me to finish what I had started and helping me be accountable to my end-goal of getting my master’s degree in science.

However, both of the above events were very detrimental to my health and well-being. This was a really hard time in my life, and I don’t feel that I received proper love, encouragement, or support from the people in my network. Also, I feel disappointed that most people didn’t even want to hear about my hard time, instead just wanting to be surface level friends. I have always done my best to be a “hard times friend,” so I felt hurt and let down when that favor was not returned.

Furthermore, I felt that the people who encouraged me to stay in ND afterward to pursue a high-paying geology job only cared about finances and financial well-being, at the expense of mentality, emotions, and physical well-being. I felt that they did not really understand me, my needs, my wants, or my desires, because they were just pushing me to continue on a path that I hated, which was not right for me, and which was making me have an autoimmune illness (lupus).

As a result, I felt lonely and like I didn’t have anyone to turn to during hard times that really cared about me and my well being. It caused me to withdraw from my network in isolation, because I didn’t trust others anymore. I began to lose faith in humanity and started grinding my teeth at night.

I felt that the people giving me this advice clearly didn’t know what was best for me, but that they were pushing their advice on me anyway and telling me that their way was valid and that my way was invalid. I felt that they were just saying that in order to be considered a valid adult, I had to be boring and logical and get a steady, high-paying job that I hated, just to pay my bills, just so that I would have a secure financial future, at the expense of my happiness and joy. I felt that they were telling me that it was valid to be logical and scientific, but invalid to be emotional and creative. I felt like my voice didn’t matter, my decisions and opinions were not good enough, and that I needed to change myself and my entire way of being to fit in with everyone and gain everyone’s approval.

However, now I know that this was wrong. There are many people who have become very wealthy and very successful being creative and following their passions. There are also many wealthy people who are silly and fun and who are also very successful in their businesses. And I will be one of them.

Not to mention, I deserve a network of people who support me in my decisions, regardless of the path that I choose to take and regardless of what I choose to do with my life and my time. The right people support my decisions to be creative and pursue a life filled with music, writing, fun, and laughter. I believe that I can have it all, and I deserve relationships with people who also believe that I can have it all.

By the way, I eventually did reconcile myself with the life that I wanted. I started by playing the piano again when I lived in Nevada, and after I moved back home to Boston I joined several orchestras and got back into playing my viola. Even though it was a lot of work to overcome my toxic music school experience, it was worth it because I now very much enjoy playing my viola again and I even very much enjoy performing for other people.

Also, I now work at Starbucks and I’m pursuing being a writer. Go me ūüôā

Anyway, that was my withhold. Thank you for listening to me and for giving me the opportunity to share myself authentically and vulnerably. I am excited for my future of business, creativity, fun, passion, and wealth, and I will be successful in my life just by being my true and authentic self. I hope that you will decide to honor me, respect me, and support me in all of my future endeavors, regardless of what they may be.

 

How to Listen to Your Inner Voice to Find True Success and Happiness in Your Business and in Your Life

A year and a half ago, I remember leaving work early after a meeting because I suddenly was off-balance, extremely dizzy, couldn’t hear, and had persistent ringing in my right ear. When I went to the doctor, she told me that a virus was attacking both branches of the vestibular nerve in my inner ear, that was causing both the hearing damage and the vertigo. She said that my hearing could possibly return about a year later.

I waited about a year and a half, just to be safe. Then I went to a different doctor for a second opinion and next steps.¬† He diagnosed me with “labyrinthitis” and told me that he was pessimistic that my hearing would ever return. He said that something must have happened in my life that was a “deep insult” to my inner ear, to cause this problem.

I know exactly what that deep insult was. At the time, I was trying to make a business decision that went against both me and my values. I was trying to partner with people who didn’t like me, who wanted to change me to be just like them, and who were unfairly attacking me, blaming me, slandering my character, and being all around unsupportive. I thought that this was “the only way” to achieve my dreams, and because I wanted so badly to achieve my dreams, I was willing to do it.

I was vulnerable to attack because I had a lot of confusion about my work, my business, my values, and my beliefs, which was a consequence of hopping around to state after state and assimilating myself into different cultures and communities. I had lost myself and didn’t know who I was, what I valued or believed in, what I found meaningful or fun, or what I wanted to do with my life.

Ever since my inner ear was so deeply insulted, I have worked diligently to change my life around and to listen to myself and my inner voice. One year ago I packed my bags, moved across the country, and settled down to live back home in Boston. I also quit my corporate job about a month later to do music full-time. Since about a week ago when I started another job as a barista, I only worked 10-15 hours per week and I really used the rest of my time to focus on myself, my healing, and my self-care. I became stronger mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, though I’m not quite where I’d like to be with my faith. I chose to focus less on my current financial budget, because I had just gone through a very rough time period in my life and I needed time to recuperate and take care of myself properly and nurse myself back to health.

I also spent quite a bit of time building my business. I stopped working with the toxic people and found really amazing business partners who supported me, my values, and my beliefs. I invested quite a bit of my time, money, and energy into building my business, thinking that if I could just get it off the ground, then I would be “saved” financially.

I mean, we all know that person who started a business with $0 in income, who lived on their own and had debt collectors on their doorstep, and yet somehow managed to make it big and pay off all of their debts just in time before the last morsel of food was gone. I figured, if other people could do that, then so could I!

Hah! There is no guaranteed formula for success like that when you run your own business. For me, I was doing the work necessary to grow my business, but I didn’t see any business results. I believe now that I didn’t have the decided heart behind it because I wasn’t fully behind it. I had thought¬†that I was behind it, but I actually wasn’t. (Though now that I look back on it, I actually kind of did want it! It was very, very confusing – more on that later!!!!!). In any event, I wasn’t 100% committed and in alignment, so even though I was doing the work, I didn’t have any results.

Also, I literally felt like my business took over my entire life. The process I was following was very inefficient and time-consuming, but I again felt like following this proven method of building it was the answer. Part of it was that mentally I thought that it would save me from getting my short-term budget and finances on track, but the other part was that I literally didn’t even have time to think about getting another job; I was just spending all of my time building my business and not getting results.

Once I quit that opportunity a few months ago, I have really been working on getting my life on track. I have been unraveling all the knots of confusion and learning (re-learning) how to be myself. Yesterday, I reflected on how I would see myself if I were looking down from the outside. This is what I saw:

I saw someone who was truly worn out by life’s demands of time and money. Someone who wasn’t present in day-to-day activities because she was always stressing about money and finances, as well as stressing about time management (running late, not leaving early enough, traffic, route planning, scheduling, and making time for adulting responsibilities). All of this greatly took away from my focus and mindfulness in the moment, but the problem¬†was made even worse by constant intrusion – ruminating about relationship problems. In general, I saw someone who continually felt overburdened and worn out, stuck in a routine and not happy, and wishing that somehow life could be fun again.

Hence all of the hours I wasted each morning bed lingering, because all I wanted was peace, security, relaxation, and contentment, which were all noticeably absent from my life. Then the bed lingering would fuel the perpetually running late, which exacerbated the whole problem. As a result of this, I was truly not giving my best to my music students, or to my rehearsals, or to myself in general.

As a result of this, I decided to give my budget a makeover. I put fun things back in my budget, such as hot stone massages, weekly coffees, going out to eat, and seeing shows. I added things back into my budget to up my self-care to the next level, such as regular hair appointments and buying new clothes and shoes. I made a decision to work more hours so that I can afford these new things in my budget, which will not only bring me more money and financial security, but will also bring me more happiness, peace, relaxation, and contentment.

Next, I restructured my daily habits with the time left over from working longer hours and scheduling adulting responsibilities. I streamlined and picked the most important ones, so that I could still take care of myself mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I prioritized time on the weekends to build my businesses and to prioritize my success in the future.

Needless to say, as a result of this I feel a WHOLE lot better!!!! After just 1 day, I had WAY more focus in teaching my music lessons then I probably ever have. Also, it helps that my new job as a barista forces me to actually be present in the moment and requires all of my attention. But there you have it¬†ūüĎĆ

The take-home message here is that this isn’t even about¬†Louboutins – this is about properly taking care of yourself. This is about having fun. I love knowing that I control my own enjoyment in my life. The more I work, the harder I work, the smarter I work, and the more focused I work, the more money I can make, and the more I can provide for myself and make myself happy. It’s not even about anything overtly excessive. It means money to buy new clothes and shoes once they get worn out and have holes in them. It means money to get my hair cut to get rid of split ends. It means money to go out for coffee and have dinner with friends. It means money to treat myself to a hot stone massage once a month.

That isn’t to say that there aren’t some caveats here. There’s a difference between working to have more money to improve and make a positive difference in your lifestyle, and working ALL the time PLUS spending every moment of every day obsessing about money and bills, therefore still not being present in the moment or being able to invest in your relationships.

There’s also a difference between working a job you love and working a job you hate. One of the things that confused me about my old opportunity was the way that they labeled people into “process” and “outcome” focused people. In their point of view, they preferred to work a job they hated so that it would “give them the life that they loved.” They equated it to “shoveling wet horse manure” to get the life they loved. They would also say that they only wanted to work with outcome-focused people, but then insist that everyone follow the same exact process to get to the same outcome.

However, I just don’t see it that way in black and white (or maybe I feel that both the process and the outcome are important). I believe that the process impacts the outcome. If you “shovel wet horse manure” to get the life that you love, you might have a lot of money and expensive things. You might have more time back to spend with your loved ones because the shitty (excuse the pun) job pays more. But you still have to spend however much time shoveling the wet horse manure. Unless you enjoy that process, then you’re still spending a significant amount of time doing something each day that you hate. This leaks into your happiness and mentality, which then takes away from the outcome that you’re trying to create.

On the other hand, “find a job you love, and you will never work a day in your life.” I agree with that and stand by it. It’s important to love what you do and find passion in doing it, so that you can enjoy the part of life that is the process of achieving your ultimate outcomes and goals. Plus, there is more than one process to get to each outcome, so you should pick the process that is the most direct and that makes you the happiest. Only then can you have true enjoyment of your life in both the present and the future.

Which is why I now earn money as a music teacher, musician, and barista. All things I am passionate about and love, all things that I enjoy doing in the moment, and all things that serve me and my current budget. These are not my ultimate long-term goals, but this is why I’ve prioritized time to spend working on my new business.

Right now my new business is just an idea in my head. I need time to actually work on creating my product, my marketing strategy, ironing out all the kinks, etc. I think once I have the chance to really work on it like I want to, feel solid on the path of righteousness for my future, and feel like I can be successful at the same time as being myself, then my hearing will return. It’s unraveling the confusion, finding my way out of the labyrinth, and back into health, peace, prosperity, and security, that my inner voice really wants.

Values-Based Decisions

One of the things I have struggled with for pretty much my whole life has been authenticity and strength of will. One reason for this is that I am very open-minded to other people, other ways of life, and other cultures… perhaps¬†too open-minded. In many of my travels, I have encountered people and ways of life that I learned from; then, I have adopted many conflicting beliefs and values into my life as a result. This resulted in a gargantuan amount of confusion that I have been trying to sort out for the past year or so.

The other reason is that for most of my life, I have felt pressured to change myself to please other people. Even to this day, I struggle with sharing myself, my beliefs, and my opinions with others. I’m afraid that other people will laugh at me, tell me that I’m stupid, and say that I’m completely wrong and that in order to be valid, I have to switch over and agree with them/their method/their viewpoint. Therefore for most of my life, I have changed myself, my personality, and my beliefs/values to fit in and be accepted by others.

In one of my online courses, I am studying the chakras and learning how to balance them. This past week, we defined our top values, so as to balance our solar plexus chakras. I had a really hard time with this exercise, based on my past, but I came up with the following for my top values:

1) Individuality/Uniqueness

I believe strongly in the individual. I believe that everyone should have the opportunity to be different, be authentic, be themselves, and be accepted for doing so. People should be honest about their truths and share themselves vulnerably with others, so as to receive emotional support back.

2) Intelligence

I really enjoy both the learning and the application parts of knowledge. Researching, studying new information, looking deep within myself, and then growing myself. I also enjoy using the new information to do critical thinking, problem solving, and planning. Change means making a smart decision and then taking action!

3) Creativity/Fun

I am a very creative person because I play two instruments and write. Not only that, but I love coming up with creative ideas and solutions to think outside of the box.

4) Love of all people

Not only do I love all people based on their individuality and uniqueness, as well as their special skillsets and talents, but also I advocate for equal rights of all people and equality in friendships/relationships. I believe that friendship is the best kind of relationship because it is equal in definition.

Furthermore, I am a very loyal friend. I will stick by anyone who does me a kind favor, especially when I am having a very rough time. I will also pay it forward and do my best to help others whenever I can.

5) Personal Accomplishment

I have many dreams and ambitions, both personal and professional. To me, success means accomplishing my goals, achieving some measure of financial success in my businesses, and working hard with grit and endurance.

6) Health and Self-Care

I am very much into healthy living and self-care in all areas (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, and tasks/chores/responsibilities). I want to be successful in my life at the same time as taking good care of myself. Never sacrificing one for the other.

 

So the secret to having a strong will is to live completely by your values system. Every decision that you make should be made by your values.

Here are some decisions I’ve made recently:

  1. Leaving my old business to build my new business
  2. “Getting back together” with my mentor

I decided to leave my old business opportunity because I didn’t feel that it was authentic to me. Now, I can clearly see why. In that business model, uniformity was valued so that you could “duplicate” your business into a large-scale model. That meant that there was no room for individuality, uniqueness, or creativity. Not only that, but they were big on “submission” and “following the established process,” which meant that neither intelligence nor equal relationships were valued. Finally, many people who built that business to a successful level did so by sacrificing their health, as well as other important things like family and relationships. The only thing that I did value that they valued also was in the area of personal accomplishment, but even that was not entirely the same because I want to be personally accomplished specifically in the fields of writing and music.

So, leaving the business was the right decision, though it was a very hard decision to make. I now know that I am better off on my new path of online teaching and course creation. My new pathway agrees with all of my values. My offering is unique and showcases my individuality. The process involves me using both my intelligence and creativity to make my online course. I can love on all types of people with my product, as well as be personally accomplished. I can still prioritize my health and self-care as I am becoming successful, and there is nobody there to pressure me into feeling bad about that decision.

Now, clearly from my last two posts, I was struggling hard-core with leaving my mentor. I just was not happy with that decision and I didn’t know why. I actually have a really good understanding of it now though. I couldn’t, in good conscience, leave a really good person who had been there to help me during one of the lowest points in my life. Someone who had invested so much time into me and helped me completely recalibrate my life and my relationships. Someone who had poured belief into me even when nobody else did. I just couldn’t do it. It felt very disloyal and against my values.

Luckily, he and I were able to chat about what had happened. Turns out, there was a pretty large miscommunication and we were able to sort everything out to be friends. We have talked pretty much every day from the time we made that decision, and I literally feel so much better and so much more at ease.

He doesn’t know this yet, but I’m planning a way to give back to him in the future to show my loyalty and gratitude for what he has done for me and my life. I don’t have all the details sorted out yet, but I’m hoping it will make him really happy. Because that’s all I want.

Presence

The other day, I was walking through Barnes and Noble when I felt a Spiritual Intuition. I followed the feeling, letting it guide me around the store, not sure where it was taking me. Suddenly, I found myself standing in front of the journals section.

I picked up journal after journal, trying to figure out what I was supposed to do, see, or find. At last, I found it: the Mindfulness Journal.

Intrigued, I picked it up and brought it home with me. I am so glad I did!

For some time now, I have felt unable to be present in The Moment. My mind always seems to be preoccupied with something or other, whether it’s planning for the future, thinking about the past, thinking about current issues, etc. I find that I am often too distracted, too weighed down, and too overwhelmed by life’s demands in the Big Picture, to have fun and be present in The Moment.

This might seem a bit strange, because for those of you who have known me awhile, you’ll remember that I used to be extremely present in The Moment. I used to be very present, very able to enjoy myself, very spontaneous, and very able to relax.

All of that changed once I finished school and needed to find a job. Suddenly, I had to worry about long-term and short-term finances, errands, chores, to-do lists, cleaning, and administrative work. I had to worry about being early, commuting, and traffic patterns. I had to worry about eating healthy and meal-prepping. Not to mention, I had to worry about all the components of proper self-care, including physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

As someone who eternally struggled with time management and planning, I really did not like this aspect of adult life. Yet I realized that my poor time management skills and poor planning skills needed to change, because they resulted in me being eternally late for every appointment and they resulted in tasks continually falling through the cracks because I couldn’t do everything by myself.

These days, I am proud to say that I have Become a Master of Time Management. Yet in spite of that, I feel that I need to elevate my standard of mastery in this area even higher. I need to master time management even further, such that I can both take care of myself and my responsibilities, as well as relax and enjoy the moment.

This insight came directly from following the prompts in the Mindfulness Journal. The first exercise it had me do was to turn off my phone (!) and other devices (!!) for 1 hour. Then I had to write down everything I had observed.

The results were so startling!! I took a walk in my neighborhood. I noticed businesses, shops, and boutiques that I had never seen before (despite passing by them literally every day). Without my iPod on, I noticed the sounds of the birds chirping and the cars whizzing past. When I went to CVS, I actually browsed the store and saw what was there, aside from the item that I needed. I even was present while I was waiting in the checkout line.

Takeaway #1: Technology is VERY distracting. I am going to start putting my devices on airplane mode in the morning until I actually need to interact with other people.

Next, the Mindfulness Journal told me to observe and describe a moment that I was fully present. I chose to do this at my last orchestra concert.

Again, I was only “mindful” for about 1 hour for the first half of the concert. I was again very startled at the results of this experiment.

This time, I didn’t just notice things like the fact that I was extremely focused in playing my part of the music, that I was actually playing to the audience, that I was actually enjoying how the whole thing sounded overall, and that my concentration was so much better that it had reduced 98% of my playing errors. This time, I noticed and was aware every time my mind started to wander.

What did I think about in that hour? A whole wide range of topics:

  • How I didn’t have work the next day so I didn’t need to think about preparing for that.
  • The chores I needed to do this weekend.
  • Summer finances.
  • My recent “breakup.”
  • My life in Nevada (my old apartment, sunshine, warmth, my friends there, Trader Joe’s) (??? wtf lol)
  • How I “suck” at time management and how I don’t respect myself because I don’t follow my own schedules.
  • How maybe I should be more In The Moment, because I do want to be fun, creative, and carefree, and words really do matter. Do I really need to focus on body language as much??
  • If I change myself again (change myself back), then I don’t know what personality type my future husband will have.

!!! Wow. That’s all I have to say.

Takeaway #2: I don’t think I even knew that I spent so much time thinking about all these different things, but apparently things like that run through my head all the time and I don’t even notice.

No wonder my ear lost its hearing.

Anyway, after that experiment was over, I had a weekend of very deep thought and planning. I did my grocery shopping at Trader Joe’s instead of Wegman’s, and I discovered that it’s a lot less expensive and it has my fruits and nuts mixture that I realized I had missed. I tweaked my schedule to include more flexibility and relaxation time. One of the main reasons I didn’t like following my own schedules is that by nature, I’m a spontaneous person, and I don’t like feeling over-structured. I decided to have my morning and work routine be structured, but then have my evenings always be relaxed and spontaneous. I also added time on the weekends to plan for variances in my schedule in the coming week, so I can accommodate for them and not have things fall through the cracks. Finally, I added time each day where I can just think about my feelings and emotions. Maybe now, with better planning and strategy, I will be able to be more present.

Managing Negative Emotions: A Breakthrough and A Realization

Guys, today was a super important day in my life. Not only did I just have a HUGE breakthrough, but I also had a really important realization as well.

The Breakthrough
For many months now, I have been working on the way that I process and manage negative emotions. I have been trying to learn how to do it in a more effective manner. Due to my personality type (bossy controlling impatient domineering choleric, efficient, and leading), I have always had trouble maintaining mutual respect in disagreements. With my ability to be frank, direct, and to-the-point, I would immediately enter into attack mode in a disagreement and give the other person a piece of my mind whenever I felt hurt, unloved, disrespected, attacked, and/or criticized. Unfortunately, the anger and the emotional haze I felt would frequently result in very harsh feedback that would sound hurtful, unloving, disrespectful, attacking, and criticizing to the recipient. (Interestingly, I subconsciously made the other person feel as terrible as I felt in the conflict).

I always wondered why we were never taught in school how to manage negative emotions correctly. Along with “Money 101: The Skinny on Budgeting and Finances,” “How to Avoid Getting Scammed in Legal Contract Writing,” and “How to Actually Earn Money in this Sh*t Economy,” the courses titled “Loving People Through Conflict” and “Managing Negative Emotions Correctly” were noticeably absent from the curriculum. If these topics were actually taught to people in school, there would be a lot less A) alcoholics, B) drug addicts, C) people who eat their feelings, D) people who don’t eat their feelings, and E) people who don’t f*ck up all their relationships from needing to release their anger. Among other things.

Not only were we not taught how to manage negative emotions correctly in school, but it didn’t seem like anyone else knew how to do it either. Until I met my mentors in my former program, I didn’t know a single person who could actually manage their negative emotions correctly or who could love someone else through a conflict.

In my research on this subject, including some books and online courses, I have already learned some invaluable information about how to overcome these negative emotions.

Step #1: Release the emotion

For me, I have thought of several ways to do this that do not involve lashing out in anger at an actual person:

  • The best way is definitely¬†critical thinking, if you have time to do it. This process can take anywhere from 30 minute to 2 hours depending on the complexity of the emotions involved. More often than not, it’s just not feasible to exit a conversation for that long.
  • For smaller amounts of time, depending on if you can, you can do some strength training, power walking, yoga, etc. Again, this is not always feasible due to your location and weather, as well as timing.
  • Another location-dependent one for me is playing piano. This one really helps me (but, I need a piano handy).
  • If you can take a 5-15 minute breather from the conversation, what works best is to b*tch it out by yourself. Either speak into thin air or write it down, but let the person have it (although, they will not be there to receive it).
  • For on-the-spot treatment, I’ve found the best way is to carry squishy desk ornaments in my purse. It feels GREAT to dig my nails into them when I’m pissed off. If I’m at home, I then start using my Chinese stress balls to relax. This can be done mid-conversation if necessary. Then I take some deep breaths, work to calm my facial muscles, calm my throat, and try to have empathy.

Step #2: Understand the Emotion

  • Again,¬†critical thinking is by far the best. I would marry it if I could.
  • Have index cards handy that have your patterns laid out in front of you. Instead of becoming angry, demanding, and controlling next, what do you really want? What need are you trying to have met? How else can you meet it?

For me, when I become angry, demanding, and controlling, usually it’s because I feel unloved and I need emotional attention. I can meet that need myself by 1) talking to God and the Universe, or 2) writing in this blog (which do you think I picked today? lol).

  • Just think about it. Why are you so upset right now? What is this triggering? What does this remind you of from your past?

 

Today, I am very proud of myself for what I accomplished. I was having a conversation over text where I became upset. Because I was at home, I practiced piano and released my anger. As I was practicing, I started thinking my way through the emotion. I started asking myself, “Ok. WHY am I so upset right now? What is this reminding me of?”

And then I had my answer. I responded to the person in a very calm and respectful way. Then I filled my own love tank by writing in this blog ūüôā

My whole processing time for the negative emotions and the response was 30 minutes. Progress over perfection! This small victory only added on to my really important realization earlier in the day.

The Realization
Not only did I not know how to process and manage my negative emotions in the context of conflict situations, but also I would have the same problem when I would deal with very strong emotions by myself in dealing with anxiety and panic.

As mentioned above, my primary need to fill my love tank is emotional attention. What I would do in the past was just dump my emotional load on anybody and everybody who would listen, with no warning or no consideration for what they were doing. All I could think about was that I FELT horrible, and I just needed someone else to listen to me so that I would feel better.

Understandably, most people became so tired of this that they stopped talking to me and stopped offering to give me emotional support. I drew the conclusion that all people sucked, didn’t want to give emotional support, and didn’t value vulnerability and authenticity in relationships.

The issue with this was not that I wanted to share myself with others. It was not that I was being vulnerable and authentic. It was just that I was sharing myself with no consideration for others, therefore making others feel like I was using them for emotional attention.

I have since learned not to use people as an emotional dumping ground. Now, I see emotional sharing as a negative deposit in the relationship, because it is something that I want to gain from the relationship instead of something that I am giving to the relationship. The only way to have a good relationship is to give more than you receive back. I have begun investing more of myself in my relationships in general to really show people that I care about them. The emotional sharing conversation itself has to be built in a mutual manner to the point where the timing is right and the other person will be receptive to hearing about the emotional pain. This is the right way to go about emotional sharing and support.

Not only that, but I have realized that most people actually DO value vulnerability and authenticity in a relationship. In fact, most people PREFER their friends and family to be vulnerable and authentic. It’s just, the sharing has to be done in the right way for it to work.

I no longer have to stay silent on issues that bother me or hurt me so as not to offend or disrespect anybody. I no longer have to feel isolated and alone. I no longer have to pretend that I’m ok when I’m totally not. I am SO GLAD that I had this realization.

The Breakup Transition Period

Hey guys! It has definitely been a minute since I last posted. Sorry! I have been dealing with a colossal amount of stress recently, so I have not had the opportunity to post.

A large amount of the stress I’ve been feeling has come from a distinct¬†lack of alignment in my life.¬†For some time now (re: a LONG time), I have felt distinctly unsettled in my life. Ever since I moved back to Massachusetts from Nevada, I have been trying to sort out my beliefs and values systems so that I can live my life in full alignment with myself. For those of you who have known me for a long time, you know that in my past I have adapted to my surroundings in an effort to fit in and be liked by everyone. This resulted in me changing myself, my values, my beliefs, and my personality approximately 50,000 times, which gained the respect of absolutely nobody that I was trying to change myself to gain approval from. Thus when I lived in Nevada for 3 years, I picked up some West Coast values that distinctly conflicted (as in… head-on CLASHED) with my East Coast values and upbringing. In moving back home, I have over time tried to find a happy medium between my old and new beliefs, which has proven to be more difficult than I thought.

One of the places that I felt the most pushback and conflict was from my business that I started in Nevada. Despite working hard at it and following the system for 2.75 years and drastically changing my mindset and overcoming so much in my life, I have not been able to generate actual business results and growth. After giving considerable thought as to why this was the case, I determined that even though I generally liked and supported the business model, the work, and the outcome of doing the work, I felt very unfulfilled doing it. The whole time, I had an undecided heart about whether or not it was right, so consequently, none of my hard work actually paid off.

There were two reasons why it was not right.

Reason #1: my authentic self did not fit in with the organization’s culture. BIG TIME! I stick out like a sore thumb. No wonder at times I wanted to kill people over their beliefs and not the follow advice and perspective given to me (heh).

Reason #2: Despite liking the business model, it was not the best fit business model for me. In following this business model, I felt continually strapped for time, wishing I had 10 personal assistants to take care of chores, errands, and administrative work, because I was not willing/able to put my music and creativity on the back burner in order to build my business.

So was trying to do both music and business at the same time, feeling completely overwhelmed, and torn apart in two different directions. Not only two different directions in terms of businesses, but also two different directions in terms of East Coast vs West Coast and trying not to die of internal confusion.

I took a week and did some serious soul-searching. I asked myself what I could do for my life’s work that I would find truly fulfilling on all levels. Something that would truly make me proud and want to scream it from the rooftops so that everyone hears it. My why is still the same – I still stand for pursuing your creative passions and mentoring people in their personal lives so that they can overcome to become. I still believe in cultivating a mindset and lifestyle of abundance in all areas, because everything is possible if you just believe it. Long story short, my external identifying purpose has not changed, but rather the internal process and mechanism has changed. I have now found a new pathway to success that will allow me to realize my goals and ambitions in a streamlined, more unified business model, which is in full alignment with myself, my purpose, my values and beliefs.

As a result, I have enrolled in some online business courses to learn the ropes of the new business model, as well as some online trainings to help prepare me for what I want to do next. It is very exciting time to be learning again and trying something new! I am really enjoying it and already have much more clarity about my new (old; authentic; resurrected) business goals and aspirations.

However, with my recent decision, I am currently in a transition period between my old opportunity and my new opportunity. I have been trying to sort between old relationships and new relationships, old communities and new communities, old daily habits and new daily habits, and old goals and new goals. I have been trying to decide what to keep, what to ditch, and what to resurrect (things that I had ditched at one point but now want to bring back).

In particular, I feel badly that I stopped investing in my personal relationships during the time I spent in my old opportunity. I was definitely not the friend to most people that I know I could have been. Thus I have resolved to invest more time and energy in my current relationships and actually be a good friend again. I’m very sorry if I have hurt anyone or if anyone felt ignored during the time that I was not an active participant in your life. Please forgive me! I promise I will do better this time around.

Anyway, the more of my ducks that I get in a row, the better I feel and the less anxiety I have. But not everything is aligned quite yet and I feel like I’m in the middle of a very messy breakup. (I definitely have NOT been eating chocolate, cookies, and peanut butter, or watching Titanic and crying, or singing/accompanying myself on “Think of Me” from¬†Phantom nonstop….). It’s very difficult and emotional to leave an opportunity, a community, and people you have been with for 3 years. There were a lot of great aspects of that opportunity. There was a lot that I learned, a lot that I gained, and a lot that I hoped that I would learn from it in the future. Right now I have to mentally release a bunch of unreleased potential for that opportunity and shift that potential over to my new opportunity.

Some people don’t understand. They think that I’m completely off my rocker and that I’m making a huge mistake. They think that I won’t be successful in my new opportunity. I know that they’re only saying those things to me and taking that attitude because they’re upset that they had invested so much time and energy into me to make me a star, and now I’m letting them down. But I have to stop pretending to be something I’m not. I have to stop trying to fit in with people and with an opportunity that goes against what I believe fundamentally¬†to be right. Right now, I am making the best choice and the best decision for me. If that means I have to lose people who are very important to me, then so be it. I will be upset, and continue eating chocolate, and continue singing¬†Phantom, but it will be for the best. Friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends for a lifetime. Which will it be?

A New Year, A New Hope (lol)

Happy 2019 everyone!!! Hope you all made wonderful New Years’ Resolutions that you actually plan on keeping.

I wanted to share with you my New Years’ Resolution for 2019. This resolution is a special one because it’s actually my second year working on it.

Just so you know, I’ve never done this before. I’ve never decided to have the same resolution two years in a row before. However, this one is so important, and while I have made significant progress in it, I am still not where I want/need to be with it, so I am continuing it again.

Last year, I wrote the following:

“This year on my birthday, I decided to have a chill night in and watch Legally Blonde, a movie that I have not watched for a good 10-15 years. I watched it, stunned, as I saw a woman struggle with moving across the country and then not belonging there, and then being eschewed from society with a firm hand.

She’s just like me! I thought. But, Elle Woods handled her situation far differently (and more successfully) than I did; she never lost sight of who she was and she learned to be successful by being herself.

On the other hand, I seem to always lose who I am. I am a very open-minded person, and I am very committed to my own personal growth journey, which is an extremely good/bad thing. Throughout my life, I have been in many different places and met many different people, all with seemingly their own conflicting opinions about who I should be, what I should do with my life, what I should believe, what I should value, and how I should act. I always felt like I needed to adapt and change myself in order to fit in with my surroundings and make friends; plus, the perfectionist in me always strove to improve myself to be a better person so as not to disappoint anybody or put anybody off. You would think that those would be great qualities to have, but I’m really seeing now that they are not good qualities at all. There is nothing worse than having every single group of people or association that you join tell you that you have to change your entire being in order to please them and to fit in.

In my personal experience, I’ve found that with everybody always correcting me, and telling me that I’m doing everything wrong, and that everything about me is wrong, it gets really confusing and disheartening. After awhile, I lost sight of myself because I received such conflicting information from all sorts of different people, and I changed myself to please all of them, and then I didn’t even know who I was anymore. But seeing this movie again made me realize that this year, for my New Year’s Resolution, I resolve to just be myself in all situations, regardless of who I meet or where I end up. The first step is to filter through all this bullsh*t and remember who I actually am and who I want to be (“You used to come here and eat toast…” -Sophie Kinsella).

Let me tell you right now the things I am definitely NOT:
-I am NOT a morning person. Every morning, I hit the snooze button for approximately 1 hour and I am the crankiest person in the world before I have had my first cup of coffee.
-I am NOT a structured time-blocking person. Take your restrictive, boring nature somewhere else.
-I am NOT a Christian. Sorry.
-I am NOT a conservative, discriminatory, judgmental person.
-I am NOT a logic person. I enjoy watching romantic comedies and reading trashy romance novels and crying because they’re so good.
-I am NOT someone who wants to punt everything important to me, compromise my values, and be 100% serious to be successful.
-I am NOT an introvert. I enjoy talking to other people, getting to know other people, and hanging out with other people. THIS IS NOT WRONG, PEOPLE.
-I am NOT someone who likes boundaries. People set boundaries with other people in order to control them, and they have no intention whatsoever of following the other person’s boundaries in return. It’s their way or the highway (I find this to be extremely disgusting and disrespectful).

This is what I AM:
-I am ENFJ personality (I decided. My journey has been ESFP to ENFP to ENFJ to INFJ to INTJ back to ENFJ).
-I am smart and creative, but I care more about being creative than I care about being smart.
-I tend to share entirely too much personal info with other people, and that’s ok. That’s how you build meaningful relationships.
-I give people too many chances because I always want to believe the best in them.
-I believe in Hinduism (dualism) and transcendentalism.
-I am loud and obnoxious and enjoy singing and dancing whenever possible.
-I have a really dry, twisted sense of humor.
-I have a work hard / play hard philosophy.
-I will tell you the truth if you need to hear it, and that is NOT RUDE.
-I love all people, regardless of their race, gender, age, and sexual orientation.
-I believe that it’s possible to change yourself if you change your mind. I am literally walking proof of this, so if anybody else wants to quote Einstein at me and say that it’s impossible to change yourself without outside help, you can go f*ck yourself.
-My purpose in life is to be a musician and writer, and to help other people through sharing my experiences and teaching them to love art.

So anyway, that’s it. I am a flawed, imperfect person and that’s ok. 2018 is the year I fully embrace myself for being myself, and I will no longer change myself or adapt to try to fit in with people who just don’t value me. If Elle Woods can do it, so can I. Happy New Year!”

That being said, I did learn, over the past year, that:

  1. It is not healthy to snooze for 1 hour every morning and I am currently working on breaking this bad habit.
  2. While I am neither conservative nor discriminatory, I can at times be highly judgmental of others.
  3. I do lead with my emotions but I can also back them up with logic. I am actually quite practical! Who would have thought.
  4. Good people who have a giving heart will do boundaries correctly. I had to see it to believe it, but there are actually people out there who will both set boundaries correctly and then also respect the boundaries of others in return.
  5. Most people, unfortunately, are unreceptive to blunt and direct feedback. For it to be effective, you have to add some flowers.

Everything else still applies and I stand by it.

Over the past year, I have become much stronger in myself, who I am, what I believe, what I value, and what is right/moral/ethical. However, I still often feel like I have to compromise those things in order to gain other people’s approval. Thoughts I continually think to myself:

  1. Even though I hate the rigidity of structure, I haven’t been able to find the same efficiency as a spontaneous person. Hmm, what to do…
  2. I still need to take some time and occasionally watch romantic comedies and read trashy romance novels and cry. Not to mention, sing and dance and harmonize and do arts and crafts and take long walks in nature.
  3. It’s really, really hard to become an extrovert again after you have been acting like an introvert. Sorry. Working on it.
  4. Still learning how to be vulnerable and share stuff and have it all turn out ok in the end. Hopefully this post goes over well.

Generally speaking, 2019 will be the year that I finally become comfortable in my own skin. I will truly embrace myself for being myself, flaws and imperfections and all. I will learn how to be myself despite pressure from others who want me to change. I will be able to retrain my thinking of personal growth from perfectionism to mastery and be able to distinguish a good change from a bad change. This will be the year that I will shine bright like a diamond.

Align Your Purpose(s)

In my last post, Become a Master of Time Management, I discussed how to organize your schedule for maximum efficiency. Not only that, but I gave advice on how to incorporate your “sub-goals,” or daily¬†habits, into your schedule in order to work towards achieving your life goals.¬†But what do you do when you have multiple life goals that all seem to conflict and collide with each other? How do you move forward in all areas when you seemingly need 28 hours in a day instead of 24? Read on for some tips on how to Align Your Purpose(s).

For me personally, I have always been double-, triple-, even quadruple- and quintuple-minded. As a musician, writer, and business entrepreneur, I have always had many goals and ambitions for myself and my life. In addition to my professional goals, I also wanted to prioritize the more common and widespread goals of living a long life and being a responsible person. As a result of this, I have always found it hard to focus on and prioritize just one thing.  So confusing! No wonder I had issues fitting everything into the same day.

To make matters even more confusing,¬†when I first started thinking about goals and time management,¬†I was trapped in a standard 9-5 corporate job which actually ended up taking over my entire life. I therefore¬†had no time or energy left over to actually work on my goals at all. In spite of this, I stayed at my job because “I needed to earn money to pay my bills so that I could work on my passions, goals, and dreams.”

Unfortunately at that time, I did not understand the vital¬†flaw in this logic. Maybe I did understand it on a subconscious level, but that didn’t mean that I actually knew what to do to fix it. The result was increasing frustration, irritation, and helplessness¬†with my life on the surface and not understanding what was causing it.

Step #1: Prioritize Your Values

The first thing I did solve this problem was to compare my ideal list of values (how I would like to spend my time) with my actual values (the way that I was actually spending my time). My lists looked like this:

My ideal values:

  1. Living a long life
  2. Music
  3. Writing
  4. Business
  5. Job
  6. Housework

My actual values:

  1. Job
  2. Living a long life
  3. Business
  4. Housework
  5. Music
  6. Writing

Writing these lists, as you can see, was pretty jarring. It woke me up to the fact that I was, for the most part,¬†prioritizing all the “responsible” aspects of life and was not really delving into either of my passions. No wonder I¬†felt so frustrated and unfulfilled! I¬†decided to do something about it.

Step #2: Quit Your Day Job

I know, this decision is not for everyone. That being said, it was definitely the right decision for me. I realized that if I wanted to live a life of true authenticity, I needed to make my music and writing more of a priority. So I rid myself of the largest time-sucker of all: the 9-5 job. Once I quit my job, I decided to earn money as a professional musician and as a business entrepreneur.

Once I quit my job, I felt much more comfortable and secure in the fact that the life that I was living was far more in alignment with my values than it had ever been previously. That being said, I still struggled with music goals vs business goals, and I hardly ever had time to write.

What was causing this problem? Each category had its own goals, sub-goals, and daily habits, there turned out to be not enough hours in the day to prioritize everything at the same time. Even though I tried my best to streamline, combine, and shuffle things around, I still felt too overwhelmed to fully focus on everything at the same time because I felt like I was way too overly extended to be successful in everything.

For example, I would make some success with my music in piano, but then my viola would suffer. Or I would prioritize my viola and my piano would suffer. Or I would have it on track with both instruments, but then I would never go to the gym. Or I would have the gym on track at the same time as the housework, but not do any music. Or I would have the gym and both instruments on track but neglect the housework. That’s not even mentioning my writing or my business. Sheesh.

See? Too many variables. No good. All it did was make me upset with myself for not being able to consistently follow through on anything because I had too many things going on at the same time. Because of this, I still felt deeply unsettled and unsatisfied. While I had made a large amount of progress, I had not yet achieved perfection (lol).

Step #3: Establish Mutual Purpose

Next, I decided to really look into each category and see if they were all truly important to me. Then I asked myself why they were so important to me and what was my purpose that was driving me towards completing goals in each area.

When I answered these questions, I still said that yes, all of these things are f*cking important. Clearly. Even though I still wished that¬†I could hire a personal assistant and/or marry a hot husband who did all the housework, so that *I* didn’t have to be the one to do it, it was¬†still important to me that someone did it.

Housework aside, what was really interesting when I completed this step was that I actually did manage to establish a mutual purpose behind my goals of living a long life, music, writing, and business.

My Mutual Purpose:

  1. I want to overcome to become. I want to overcome the negative, toxic, and scarcity experiences from my past to become a happy, healthy, and wholesome person who lives a life of abundance.
  2. I want to use my knowledge and experience to help others overcome negativity and toxicity and also live happy, healthy, and wholesome lives. I want to break others out of scarcity mindset and help them also live lives of abundance.

I was both relieved and pleased to discover that I was actually using three different channels to achieve the same mutual purpose. However, this still did not solve my problem of not having enough hours in the day and not being able to achieve long-term consistency in any category.

Step #4: The One Thing

While I had established that all of my goals were noble and that they all did serve the same mutual purpose, I had to take a good, hard look at each category to determine the order and the level of impact for each. Which one category allowed me to facilitate success in the other categories? Which category helped me the most in my own overcoming and healing process? Which category helped me the most in my quest to help others?

Another way of thinking about it is like a row of dominoes. Which domino is the most powerful that, if you could knock it down, it would result in the others also falling down? This is what I set out to find.

When I completed this step, the results were pretty shocking. I realized that while in the past I had achieved great success in my overcoming and healing process through my writing, I actually was now currently achieving better results with my personal growth through my business opportunity. While I still enjoyed writing, I realized that it no longer served me to write novels the way that it did in the past. Thus I decided to put novel writing on-hold for the time being and instead write about personal growth in this blog. See what I did there?

For my music, I realized that while I am currently making a difference with my students and with my performances, I will be able to make even more of an impact when I have the funding available to create my own Grand Performance Academy. In starting my own music academy, I will have control of the environment and culture, so that I can ensure that I am only teaching students (and parents) with the right attitude and mindset of abundance. Therefore, in order to become more selective with my music, I realized that I needed to first focus on building my business. The change and movement that I will make in the music industry will therefore be a byproduct of the results of building my business.

As a result, I decided to focus and concentrate first and foremost on building my business. Not only does building my business help me with my first goal of overcoming to become, but it also helps me in my quest to help others overcome to become. Not only that, but down the line I can make an even greater impact and change in the music industry once I have the finances in place to be able to do so.

Therefore, my order of priorities has now shifted to the following:

  1. Living a long life
  2. Business
  3. Music
  4. Writing
  5. Housework

Which therefore made it possible to streamline all of my daily habits and fit them into a 24-hour day, actually even less-than. Ironically, since making the decision to focus more on my business, I have since spent more time playing my instruments, going to music concerts, and writing. I call that a triple-minded success!